softball is great because...

I think this year is going alright ups and downs but I think i realized that God provided me with solid friends that are always there to make me smile. I believe this year is a learning exprience for me with many more ahead but over the school term I learned so much from a great friend. Hes like a older brother to me whom I look up to and always learn new things from this guy. This summer will be great I can see it already because I think my goal this year is to learn more about leadership skills, where that is what I really want to improve on. This year I am learning from great leaders but to me I believe in a softball team everyone is leader where each and everyone on the team must play a role. It's important that everyone plays their role because one can affect the team. This year I am looking forward to learn more to be a better leader, to be a better person, a better christian instead of just playing the game and just worrying about my stats(har har... good old juniors lol). Although I should play hard in the game still but I believe I have to work in myself more now. I see great leaders with many accomplishments over their years like Brian L. and James L. (yea yea yea ALBERT KONG YOU ARE A GOOD ONE TOO, i know if i didnt mentoin your name you would be like WHAT THE HECK?!?! but i dont have to name all ET great leaders). Knowing that they have many skills in and out of the game, with their leadership ability THEY ARE THE ONES that makes the game fun for everyone, having them to show me with great christians spirits they have proves to me that this ETCBC ministry is a good one to be part of. It also means to me that I have so much to look forward to instead of just playing the game of softball, I have my faith to grow on.

These past couple of days been great, I just helped out Tim and James at TC just a bit, but it's so fun helping kids out, I didnt think it would be that fun but I was just there to make sure everything was going well but to be honest i liked it :). What made me feel really different was that some of the kids were just open to me and asking questions about my job @ H&M lol.. and other random stuff... (long story) but yeah funny but yet good times.

so far so good... :D now what will complete my week is when i get my freak!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! where is my baby.. lol =)

uhh

just been busy with school and work now.

all i have to say...

i have no choice but to let it go....

something i should never regret but maybe someday if i have to the time i will get back to it... someday.... maybe never... time will tell...

until now... I'd like to enjoy the days I can...

ahhhhhhh

so sore...
fallen and cant get up... now i know how humpty dumpty felt when he fell off the brick wall and couldnt get up because he cracked. haha Okay i dont know it feels... but hey... im sooo sooooooore.... gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
screaming in pain... shut up YOU!! not one word... gahhhhhh im whimpering like no tomorrow and crying out loud ... cry me a river.. hahaha... but freaking.... body is sore =(

sorry just had to say that.. har har...

speechless...

I really don't know what to say right now, I am speechless because I am right now so busy now a days and I dont have time to do anything. My daily routine in a day is either
school+gym+homework or school+gym+work+homework. I am so busy because I am paying for everything that I use like my car, gas, food, school etc... yeah, I have a busy schedule but then i do realize I am missing something. I realize this myself but I just dont know how to organize my schedule unlike some people haha *ahem* but anyway my point is that I just find myself not having enough time for God. Im at school from 8am to 5 or 6 pm 3 days a week and the other 4 days I am working. Everyday I am so tired I fall asleep so quick. I dont know, so much stress so much on my mind... dont want to talk about... dont know how I feel inside anymore. It's unexplainable the way how I feel inside because I dont know what to feel anymore. I dont know what to do anymore I dont know how I am going to do it either.
Just afraid so alone... dont want the truth but cant hide it either... gahhhh so tired and so busy =( this is how life is going to be when i grow up =( work and sleep heh.

and im done for now.. back to my busy life right now.. =(

Great week...

great week... great friends... gg loo
what a great way to start off a new year, 2006 is probably one year i am really looking forward to. I think the most important thing i am actually looking forward to is seeing my friends and I grow as christians.
As a christian I set some goals for this year for myself.
I have set a lot of goals for myself this year and hopefully I can maintain that goal. I always like to strive for what I want and seek for new things in life. I think the most important thing to me in life right now is falling in Gods hands. I really look a head in life and I see myself becoming more into this christian religious life kind of thing. Right now I know myself I have gone so far to be who I am today to just give up, although there are temptations in this world, that will test how strong my faith really is. As days goes by I find myself living a good life because I know God is there with me everday day 24 hours 7 days a week =)
I think i have set so many goals to achieve this year, I think the most important to me is to actually let God work in me, I am reading this devo kind of leadership book which is really well done so far. I like it so far and I think how can I become in a better leadership role in todays society or at least around my friends. Leadership is going to be one of my main goals to achieve, i know this is going to be hard because to be honest i really dont like to be a leader because i rather be a learner but from what I see being a leader is not bad because you are a teacher and a important role infront of many people. another thing is to hold back my temper and not get mad. Yes i know it will be hard knowing that a lot of the people know how pissed off I can get but then again I am changing and i know I can do it. I can see myself doing it cuz right now I know I can walk away from trouble, and trouble is already bad enough what can be worst right? haha... to me i think the lord has workd in me so much that these past weeks I had never been happier than ever =) great friends, great church, great community... life he had provided for me is GOOD.

=)

" Leaders are meant to help others become the people God created them to be" - John C. Maxwell

SO i finally...

so i finally told the whole fellowship or most of them what i've been through and how christ worked in me. Although i was nerves because I really dont have the courage to speak out to a bunch of people but I guess I wanted to share it, and someone told me to share it because it could be happening to anyone as well... just letting them know they are not alone as how i ended feeling.
Although some already knows I will just repeat it here again...

Well from day one I felt like i was not welcomed in to many churches, wel maybe because in never got along ith anyone. i decided to jump church to church and eventually kinda gave up knowing that I wont really find one especially of who i was back in the days. people judged me and i just gave up. I hung around with the wrong crowd since forever but it happended in gr. 10, where I had friends that introduced me to ET, well invited me to go one day. I went ther and i was amazed on how I liked ET but the problem is that I didnt see myself changing into a good person right away since from all the previous expriences ihad with other churches. At some point I would go and not go to church because I felt like i didnt feel comfortable with everyone because everyone are christians or most, and me just a trouble maker... :P SO it was a come and go thing at that time. A year later when i started attending regular sundays, I see so many christians doing this and that. To me it was hard because I couldnt really do the things christian would do. I had TWO different group of friends, non-christians and christians, which made it difficult for me to act as a better person around the nonchristians, I was shy and felt weird to act differently around them. I didnt want my old friends to judge me and it went on for a year. I realized how so many christians were there for me when i fell, they were ther to pick me up when i was down/sad/upset/temper but yet i rejected their greatfulness. It was hard still because i was easily influenced by the negative people because that was how i grew up at first. I always stood by myself and never gave up, saying I dont need anyone to be there for me. But that came all to an end, when 2005 hit it ewas the best year. I looked back in life seeing how different I was and at the sametime I TRIED my best to be a better person. So the questions many of you readers are probably wondering, HOW DID GOD WORK IN ME?
well the year 2005 was a big hit for me, for some reason i was not as bad as before. AND I ONLY GOT MAD ONCE IN CCSA hahaha... compare to the year before. It was hard but yet i knew i would pull it off. As the year came to an end SEPTEMBER came, where flash back where I thought to myself I would go back to my oldself. BUT it didnt, I saw GOD worked through so many of my christians friends to work and help me, without them i wouldnt be the way I am today. God works through everyone and so it worked from one to another to me. I became closer to some friends and lost many non and christian friends, but God had a plan for me, I knew i was not alone walking through this because He had a plan for me all along, it may taken a while for me to fall on this path but it worked. The most important thing how God worked in me was that I will never act a differnt person around my non christian firends. I am who I am and God had worked in me, it might take a while to work through them but taking a step and working through me is a big step, maybe one day I can change their lives as well. I know now I will always act as a christian around them no matter what, I will show them there are other ways of livig a good life instead of living on the edge. Living for God and living for only him. the LORD has worked through me and worked through so many of my christian friends which gave me a chance to be like them. It's important to me to watch a close friend grow at the sametime because I can watch her grow and she can watch me grow as well. the day that really hit me and i felt God was with me was on "passions" yeah, to tell you the truth i didnt even think i would end up going because i thought it was a blah thing... but eventually james got me in to it. You should see the questions i was asking in the bus "where are we going?" "what is passions?" hahaha... yeah i had no idea what and where i was heading but I will tell you now, THANK THE LORD. That day I changed so much knowing I was not a lone, i felt his presence, his hand, his love aorund me. It was great =)
so God worked through me so many ways but i always rejected him, he yet gave me another chance because one day he knew I will fall into his hands. I know now I am with him, being loved by the lord and will always represent GOD's faith. I realized how LIFE is important when you dont even know when your life will end. It came end today, tomorrow, or weeks later. Who knows but knowing that Living for GOD is all for that. There will be not a day I am not living fo rhim because he is great, the goddess of all and the almighty lord. God also worked through me so much that now I can walk away from the troubles out there instead of getting myself into trouble. Now that i know I am not alone, i dont care what others think of me because I know if i walk away from anything that is bad, God is there for me, God is there for me all the way so only God can judge me. =) That is all... living the life for God living for only him....

hmmmm

hmmmmmmm


so much on my mind...

I think i lost it already... and it had never even begun...

i will keep everything inside and hope everything will be good...